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 (PREVIEW) Just need your opinion

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Music Is Mine


Posts : 602
Join date : 2008-10-16

PostSubject: (PREVIEW) Just need your opinion   Mon Apr 26, 2010 5:36 am

Hi!!! As the Title says, I just need your opinion. If you think it is bad, good, or anything you can just tell me. But the most important thing I need is that is that preview sounding more like an Mature thing or a Teen Thing, I have ideas and plots for either Rating. I just need your thoughs on it. I also fixed it to your understanding...

Rachel slowly walking with her size 4 women’s feet to the nearest room she could find. She turns stiffly to the door that is directly in front of her. The words engraved to the door: Gary.

That particular name seems to be placed in the back of her head but she could barely recall it, the same thing has happened to the others but her memory of them wasn’t as strong as the memories she is having about him are now.

She walks into his room, she sees why he usual stay up all night and sleep in the commons room. It was a mess in that room, she was very surprised that she isn’t dead yet when she first smell the horrible aroma contained this disgusting room. She kept her dull violet eyes on her prize, it was snoozing in the double bunk bed. She carefully walks over to the bed making sure as to not trip and wake him up.

She approaches the bottom bunk, her dull violet eyes turn white, her extra pale hand pulls the blanket up in the air, she uses her other hand to grab it by the neck. She hears some gagging and smiles, she knew mission was almost completed. She tightens her hand a bit more, she starts to hear crying and wailing becoming louder.

Rachel turns around to see a broken jewelry box on the floor, her was intentionally on the box itself but on the broke glass on the floor. Her smile went from genuine to an evil twisted kind of smile. She throws the body to the ground, next to the broken box. It tries to scurry away, but unfortunately it was really into the ‘letting her victim go and getting in trouble with her master’ mood. She captures the body inside of the blanket and tied the blanket up. The thing was still trying to win a fight, but sadly she ended it existence when she hastily grabs the broken glass and stabs it. It stop moving for a few seconds, but then suddenly starts squirming. She stabs it again, running the knife all around it bloody body. She slowly begins to rip of it arms, and nail off it’s skin. It screams at she continues to rip out it’s organs, she simply smiles at it’s pain as if it feeds her soul.

She stopped and looked her the most essential thing for life, the heart. The precious gem of life, she mouth begins to water as she moves her hands down south. Her eyes became more full of life the closer she got. She see the heart slowly beating, it scares her but also excites her. She touches the hearts, slowly rubbing her hands all of the heart to feel the thumbing and the veins pumping from the heart to whatever is left of poor little Dog’s body. Rachel pities the poor little dog, having to die this way. Well forgot what I just said, dying by being murdered by Rachel is much more pleasing then dying the natural, stupid, or suicidal ways. This gross ugly short patheic thing should be grateful she is killing him this way, instead of letting that girl's wretched cooking take his life away.

Seeing as she still has her small, fragile, bloody hands still on it’s heart, she ripped it out of him. She smiles after seeing his final tear dropping out of his eye. She looks at the heart, she tightens her grip on it. She keeps on tightening it until it exploded and the pull slashes her on scary, possessed looking face.


Good Bad Wha?

I hate Bee's there like, FLYING DEATH MONKEY'S!!!!! but that Monkey isn't death or flying it's a DANCING MONKEY AND IT'S MINE! <.< >.> >.< ---->
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